Posted by: R M White | 06/07/2012

Then There Were Two

My heart and mind have been so chock-full during the last few weeks – like brimming over with thoughts, emotions, and I’ve just kind felt on the brink of something… not quite tangible but filling me with this desire to get it over, get it done, fulfill it … whatever “it” is.

I guess this restlessness began with the impending exit of Jacob from the nest. I kind of just put ‘my life’ on hold to better concentrate on him. The final couple of weeks he was here were filled with many last minute preparations to check off and also, the celebrations and good-byes.

He finished school – graduated. He packed up his world – and flew away. Triumphant but still, a touch of sadness – sublimely poignant.

And this unique day, when he left, signified that in one sense, my job as “Mom” was over. Now, I know, I will always be his Mom but now it’s different – oh, so different.

For example, right now, this very minute, I don’t know where he is. I’ve always known where he was – out with friends at the video-game place or at the coffee shop or at the movies, or a youth event. It was my business to know – to make sure he was accounted for and okay. That he was safe in getting from ‘here to there’ … now, it’s not my place – all of a sudden my life changed from being ‘on call’ and responsible for this other person, to living a life of trusting he is just fine.

The blessedness of magicjack is indescribable but different … there’s no more random, long or short conversations about this or that to fill my day. He was a good day-in, day-out friend – in the house or on our long, almost daily walks around town. Not that we ever talked every minute but we did share in the moment. ‘Mom, look at this.’ Or ‘Did you see that?’

And cooking the meals in our home – wow, that changed too! Jacob was always in the picture – the quantity, the preparation – and sitting down for meals (yes, our family still eats around the table). His chair is empty – I even set the food on the table differently – there is just 2 of us to reach for it. The conversation changed – there’s not near as much laughter – he and his Dad loved picking on me, on each other… just letting the ‘testosterone’ flow as it does between guys with their ridiculous humor that only guys ‘get’ or appreciate.

The pets – cat, Gabby, and dog, Sadie are treated differently as well. Their ‘master’ is gone and adjustments were made – responsibilities shifted. Pets are truly emotional beings and they’re having to modify their expectations as well.

Okay, okay, so he left and I accept it, life is different and I truly am fine. But I still have this edginess going on. Partly, it’s because it’s the rainy season here and nearly every day is spent waiting for the torrential rain to arrive. Ugh! I am such a sunshine person. But now, here’s a few positive thoughts to recognize:

Important things that I’ve been very thankful for:

  • I thank God that Jacob is a Christian in the truest sense of the word. He’s good young man with a great head on his shoulders and a tender heart inside him.
  • I thank the Lord above that my recent days, after his leaving, have been filled with busyness and there’s still stuff that has to get done. I made myself lists of ‘to-do’ so not to have idle time on my hands – a list for the house and a list for myself. I enjoy checking them off.
  • I also am so very, very grateful for my marriage. Thankful that Lowell and I are best friends and buddies – we’re still in love – where would I be without that?  And we started our ‘flying solo’ with staying overnight in San Pedro, eating out and going to the movie – totally fun.

But still there’s this feeling – just like you have before the long-expected rain decides to finally get here. I’m not worried at all. I’m kind of excited and ready for whatever – I trust it’ll be good. I’ll be glad when ‘it’s’ figured out. But if it’s life according to “the Whites” it’ll be another adventure.

For now, though, what matters is this:

Then there were two …

Who are really

One.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

23 And the man said,

“Finally! One like me,
    with bones from my bones
    and a body from my body.
She was taken out of a man,
    so I will call her ‘woman.’”

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother

and is joined to his wife.

In this way two people become one.

Genesis 2

Lowell and Robin

December 28, 1978 – til today

and on and on and on ….

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