Just when I think I’m too tired to go on. Nothing is going to change. What’s the use anyway? Does God really, truly exist? (wow, did I say that? yes, for a couple of heartbeats that has run through my head! honestly – and usually it has been in the darkest deep of the night when all is quiet in the house and it just me and Him) I’m getting real here. Life is just tough.
I saw true pain the other week – my sister had total knee replacement – her journey to that point had been painful (still is since she gets the other one done next month) but those first few hours after the surgery it was pure PAIN! I was there to help her fight through it, be her cheerleader and help her make it to the side of seeing light at the end of her tunnel of recuperation. It was HARD. She made it though. We prayed through it, and did some crying and laughing in the process.
I’ve seen physical pain too of course, you can’t have four kids and two miscarriages without getting acquainted with pain. And we lived in Africa where all six of us dealt with numerous bouts of malaria. Now, that is definitely some tough moments to have to deal with.
Emotional pain – yes, that’s real too – when anyone has dealt with dying and death of loved ones they know pain too well. The process, whether happening suddenly or slowly is brutal on the folks left behind. Our family went through that recently and I still wonder how we’re (they’re) doing. It isn’t easy being alive in this world. We see and feel too much sometimes. Did you notice I said dying? yes, for those that are terminally ill, or have a degenerative disease or debilitating health issues it causes a burden of emotional pain on the individual and the loved ones surrounding him or her.
Sometimes pain comes strongly for a person when the routine or normal is ripped away. What seems like a relatively minor event can be kind of big for another – even among family members facing the same situation. For example, my cat went missing. While I was gone for several days spending that necessary time with my sister my cat walked away. That was really hard. I mean, she was just a cat you know. But, although she had belonged to the kids – first the daughter’s then the son’s – she ultimately decided I was her best pal. For sixteen years of her life she was among our family. She always knew I was Mom – and you know how Moms are with their charges; making sure all is okay – fed, warm, dry, and accounted for. But, now, she’s been gone these couple of weeks. Life and its routines changed for me. I am still adjusting to this new normal. And yes, over a cat, I felt (feel) sad. In fact, this is the first day I have sat at my desk to really work – she was always beside me, sometimes in my way, but a steady comforting constant part of my life. Just one thing among many that make life what it is. A journey of ups and downs is what we’re given.
So, here’s this. On one hand, I am a little (a lot) frustrated … you see, just when I think I am on target to really get my business off the ground, something distracts me! (if you don’t know, I am with It Works Global – a Distributor and I love it) Big things, and little things … emotional things, friends, enemies, just things. I carve out a set time period and believe I am going to dedicate it to WORK and boom, another distraction. I sometimes wonder if I am being tested. Well, all life is a test, right? to see if we endure, stay steady and true to our course, have the stick-to-it-ness that gets IT (whatever your ‘it’ may be) done. But, anyways, I am not one to moan and groan or do a lot of unnecessary pouting but man, this has been tough!
How long Lord? how long do I wait until I see myself blossoming into the leader I believe myself to be? how long until I reap a harvest of all these seeds I’ve planted? how long?
But then On The Other Hand!! – I DO see prayers answered and I am reaffirmed in my faith and am in awe of our Heavenly Father and His workings in this world. I know Jesus understands our heartbreak, frustration, confusion and lack of faith. Understanding doesn’t mean He likes it though. I know, I have faltered on the brink of a trying situation and rather than leave it with victory, I go away unfulfilled. But, then again, I struggle and am rewarded at the least expected moments! there you go! Jesus says to BELIEVE! He truly can make the POSSIBLE happen … just need to continue on.
Pray, Ask, Trust, Believe the imPossible has been made POSSIBLE!
Our daughter is pregnant – after seven long years of trying – she is finally going to be a Mommy. I have no words to adequately express my joy. My heart is so full. There’s been countless prayers, a gazillion tears, and so many fears, doubts and longings during these years – and now this. At a moment when it was least expected God showed His timing.
We’ll just put it like this along with Matthew: